Greetings, Raider Nation!

 Today is Saturday, and you Authentic
Tahir Whitehead Jersey

know what that means, college football is here! There are lots of conference
games going on today including some big rivalries in the Big Ten and SEC.In the
morning, the Wisconsin Badgers take on the Penn State Nittany Lions in a fight
to see who will get a better bowl game in Florida later this year. Both teams
have had disappointing years so far, but look to get back on track as the season
winds down. In other Big Ten action, Michigan State hosts Ohio State as both
teams try to reach a New Year’s Day bowl game.In the Big 12, TCU heads to
Morgantown to face West Virginia, who is fresh off a win at Texas last week. In
a battle of the military, the Navy Midshipmen sail to Florida to take on the UCF
Golden Knights. In an SEC rivalry, Auburn takes on Georgia in a rematch of last
year’s SEC Championship game.Tonight, Alabama hosts Mississippi State, and we’ll
get to see the Bulldogs’ impressive defense against the Crimson Tide death
machine. Notre Dame hosts the Florda State Seminoles, and the Clemson Tigers go
to Boston College to fly with the Eagles.In the Pac-12, Cal faces USC tonight
and Oregon heads into hostile territory to take on Utah, who is down to their
second-string quarterback. Enjoy the games!Raiderdamus’ Friday Foretelling:
Raiders vs. Rams We are required to inform you that these Foretellings are works
of satire and are not for the faint of heart. Due to their content they should
not be read by anyone. Please enjoy at your own risk. -The EditorGreetings,
Raider Nation! It is I, the Alpha, the Omega, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah,
your hero and your paragon of virtue, Raiderdamus the Great and Powerful. After
months of slumber, I have once again summoned the almighty Great
Beyond ,
who knows all, and instead of using his powers of prognostication to benefit
mankind, I choose to use them to find out the outcomes of football games.
Surely, I am a great humanitarian.Today I begin my eighth consecutive season of
summoning up the Great Beyond and consulting him regarding the fate of the
Raiders. It’s been a long and prosperous run, mostly full of predicting a bad
team to lose, and I’m glad we all get to continue to share it together.I know
you are all here wishing for some ado, but I have to disappoint you all, because
we shall dispense with any further ado and present to you the message that was
given to me this week by the Great Beyond himself. Reflect on it, o mortals, and
tremble.“You again! How many years in a row have you harassed me every week,
wanting to know the fate of your bumbling pirate crew? I suppose it is a respite
from my boredom, all they have up here to watch is reruns of Doogie Howser M.D.
Hurr durr I am very smart but don’t know how to deal with women, I am so unique
and deep, watch me keep a diary on my Apple II and write about life lessons I
learned from my rich parents and my token Italian peasant friend.Looks like a
new season has started! You fired your coach? Well that’s okay, he wasn’t very
good. Wait, you hired the loudmouth from Monday Night Football? Oh boy. I bet
that’s a circus. You traded who now? And you’re playing who on Monday Night
Football to open the year?That all sounds dismal. But let’s talk about the Rams
for a minute. The team is owned by Stan Kroenke, who looks like Jeff Fisher had
sex with Ted Turner.Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY SportsKroenke manages to be the
most unlikable owner in the NFL, which is remarkable, as that’s a list that
includes Jed York, Jerry Jones, Dean Spanos, Jeffrey Lurie Womens Gabe
Jackson Jersey
, Robert Kraft, and Jim Irsay.Mr. Kroenke came into
his vast fortune by being a slum lord and marrying the heiress to the Wal-Mart
fortune that looked the most like Nancy Grace.The Rams left Los Angeles the
first time in 1994, and nobody noticed. They won a Super Bowl in St. Louis, and
nobody watched because they were playing the Titans, a team most NFL fans
couldn’t identify in a police lineup. Then they returned to Los Angeles a few
years ago, to the delight of no one whatsoever.The Rams are, if you think about
it, the perfect American success story. They came from the Midwest to the bright
lights of Los Angeles and managed to pursue their lifelong dream of being the
first extra killed in the NFL Playoffs. They got to their position by going down
repeatedly in ways they regretted the next day. To say that the Rams are an
afterthought in Los Angeles would be a mild understatement. Here are the most
popular teams in LA:LakersDodgersRaidersUSCLA
GalaxyAngelsKingsDucksUCLAClippers49ersCowboysLAFCWarriorsRamsSerra HighMater
DeiChargersBut Kroenke, who is so fabulously rich that he wipes his own ass with
the Dead Sea Scrolls, also owns the Colorado Avalanche and Arsenal FC. He is
used to owning the least popular professional team in its own city.The fortune
brought to the NFL by Kroenke, who bought the Rams many years ago from
strung-out rodeo clown Georgia Frontiere, was the impetus for placing the Rams
in Los Angeles to begin with, as they are building their own stadium with Sam
Walton’s money. If Walton were alive today to know he was financing a team as
shitty as the Rams, he’d be so angry he’d probably whip a few more underage
Chinese sweatshop workers, and all those Faded Glory labels would be stained.But
to make the deal work, the Rams had to share their new palatial estates with a
team even less popular than they, which was a tall order considering the
negative four people who give two shits about the Rams. The Raiders, being
arguably the second most popular team in the world, were right out. But luckily,
someone else was more than happy to fill the void.Getty ImagesIn order to draw
eyes to their product and distract potential viewers from their normal
day-to-day schedule of tax evasion, recreational drug use and senseless gang
violence, the Rams went on a massive spending spree this free agency period.
They brought in three megastars on defense- Ndamukong Suh ,
Aqib Talib and Marcus Peters. Because we all know that discipline, fair play and
abiding by the rules of football were all things that held the Rams back last
year. Will the Rams have more personal fouls than first downs this year? The
last time someone paid that much money for that much trouble, Khloe Kardashian
had to come wake his dumb ass up from a three day coma. Photo by Neilson
Barnard/Getty ImagesBut this year, Los Angeles has brought in one real winner,
one man who has tasted championship gold, a man who knows how to win when the
rest of his team isn’t up to par. Los Angeles is now home to one of the greatest
of all time.Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty ImagesThe Rams team is led by former
Gruden disciple Sean McVay, seen here with girlfriend Veronka Khomen:Photo by
Christopher Polk/Getty ImagesI tried to find an unflattering picture of McVay, I
really did. They don’t exist. The man is a Greek god, with the jawline of
Horatio Hornblower and the physique of Lex Luger. Even in high school, he looked
like the platonic Prom King. His issue is that no matter how much facial hair he
grows, he still looks like he gets a lollipop every time he goes to the bank and
he has to sit on a phonebook when the barber cuts his hair. And he still gets
that godawful Andy Dalton haircut. The Raiders may have just traded the best
edge rusher in the NFL, but the Rams have avoided that problem by not employing
any edge rushers at all. That is good news for the Raiders’ tackles, who are 1)
a rookie and 2) a veteran who has forgotten how to turn right. Jon Gruden will
have to call for a pit stop so Donald Penn will stop turning left.The Rams are
one of the most talented teams in the NFL, with a star-studded roster and a
fantastic, cost controlled quarterback. Soon they’ll have a brand new stadium
where all 237 Rams fans can watch them from the height of luxury. It will be in
Inglewood, which is notoriously up to no good, and I am certain it will go up in
flames the first time the Rams go 4-12, which will likely be as soon as they
have to pay Jared Goff his six-year, $250 million contract in 2021. Because if
they don’t, the fucking Bears will.Rams win, 45-29.”
Sign In or Register to comment.