The Falcons replace the defense en masse in this week’s sacrifice

 It was Wednesday before Damontae Kazee noticed that anything was
amiss.There had been worrying signs ,
in retrospect. Robert Alford had taken to wearing black tracksuits and
motivational t-shirts, starting on Monday morning. Vic Beasley was listening to
“Everybody” by Backstreet Boys on loop and Tweeting about Drew Brees. And Duke
Riley had shaved off his trademark Louisiana waterfall, replacing it with a
shaved head and sensible goatee. But it was only Wednesday that he heard the
chants. When Dan Quinn entered the room to speak with the defense, they greeted
him, their voices hollow and yet triumphant.“Good morning, Coachlord!” they
cried as Quinn greeted them with a grimacing flash of teeth. “Good morning,
team!” he returned, his voice raspy and his cape sweeping seemingly across the
entire room. “Today is another day, and our return to glory is nigh. I have
every confidence you will play as you were born to do, as if you were forged in
the flames beneath this very facility!”After his speech, Quinn blinked, long and
slow.“I mean heck! The flames of heck!” Kazee blinked, too, but it was with
suspicion and fear. A glance around the room showed his teammates swaying with
dull red glows to their eyes, like Kroy Biermann’s contacts on a winter evening.
When Quinn swept out of the room, and his teammates on defense sat dully around
the locker room, Kazee decided to follow him. It was not hard to do Mohamed
Sanu Jersey
, as the darkness seemed to gather around his head
coach as he strode toward his office.When the great iron doors shut behind him,
Kazee speared himself across the hallway and leaned his ear against the door. He
did not take off his helmet. The voices he heard were muffled, but the words
were still clear. “Your plan to sacrifice the entire defense, replacing them
with clay homunculi fired in the forges of the Under Zaxby’s, was a stroke of
genius,” Quinn muttered.“Of course it was! If you cannot prevent this defense
from allowing more than 120 points in three weeks, I will take matters into my
own wings,” boomed a voice in return, all metal-on-metal. “Are you not worried
that despite their obvious discipline, these horrors-that-would-be-men will
still struggle with tackling? I mean, they’re made of clay,” Quinn asked
tentatively. “Oh, now you’re worried about tackling,” groused the iron voice.
“Where was that concern last week? Or the week before that? Or the week before
that? These creatures do not tire, do not slacken, and do not compliment Drew
Brees on Twitter, for which you are quite welcome.” Kazee shifted at
that Authentic
Ryan Schraeder Jersey
, and his helmet banged against the door with
a reverberating boom. He hurried away from the door, but it slammed open and
Quinn was gliding toward him on what Kazee swore was a cloud of shadows. “Don’t
come any closer, Coach!” Kazee cried, head down threateningly. “I won’t be
turned into one of your monsters!” “I still need you, Damontae,” Quinn said
soothingly as he slid closer, his voice as soft and rustly as bat wings in
sensible velvet evening wear. “Despite your penchant for tackling like Ralph
Wiggum through a bay window, you are the steadiest defender we have besides
Takk, who I believe is still engaged in hand-to-hand combat in the fiery pits
below this facility. There is no need to replace you, and indeed, I would hope
the need will never come.”Kazee warily looked up. “You’re not going to throw me
into a pit of fire?”“No, no! This defense needs a leader, especially because it
turns out that homonculi are very bad at freelancing. We must achieve results
soon, and you will be counted on to ensure we do. Otherwise, our lives will all
be forfeit,” Quinn said. “Anyways, have a great night! See you tomorrow.” At
that Youth
Austin Hooper Jersey
, Quinn turned smartly and headed back into
his office, leaving Kazee alone in the darkening hallway with his thoughts.
“He’ll be trouble, I’d wager,” the Great Metal Falcon said, disapproving and
steely. “If he is, he will be dealt with,” Quinn returned with a grim smile.
“After all, for us, the answers are within our own locker room...or our own
subsurface hellscape!” The resulting boom of laughter was so loud Kazee could
hear it as he prepared himself to re-enter the locker room and the growing
sounds of the Backstreet Boys. Pitt is on course for its first ACC Coastal
title. While it’s fun and distracting to just marvel at the Panthers being about
to have as many divisional titles in the ACC as Miami, doing that comes with a
risk. The danger is that you might miss what happened to make it a reality: the
pureeing of historic proportions Pitt put on Virginia Tech in Week 11. This was
supposed to be one of the closest games of the week. The S&P+ computer
system picked the Hokies to win 31.3-31.0. It was the epitome of a tossup, with
S&P+ liking Virginia Tech by about 3 points on a neutral field. Because this
game was played at Heinz Field, the computer moved it to a 50/50 game. Human
oddsmakers pegged Pitt as a 4-point favorite. That assessment still had it as
one of the closer games in FBS this week. In reality, the game wasn’t close.
Pitt won 52-22. But the 30-point margin doesn’t even start to tell the story of
how epic a bludgeoning this was.Pitt’s 13.9 yards per play weren’t just the most
in recent times. They were almost a half-yard better than anyone’s done since
Reggie Bush’s Heisman year.The only other Power 5 game to get close involved a
triple-option team playing Kansas. There’s no precedent at all for a team in
this era having a day like Pitt had. The Panthers rang up: 654 yards of offense
on 47 plays (13.9)492 rushing yards on 36 carries (13.7)162 passing yards on
7-of-11Pitt’s drive chart is one of the most impressive I have ever looked at.
Wildly, even that table full of touchdowns doesn’t quite describe the game. Pitt
had 10 possessions that weren’t just half-ending kneels. Seven were touchdowns,
one was a field goal, one was a punt, and one was a touchback on a fumble from
right before the goal line. Absent that fumble ,
Pitt would’ve had eight TDs in 10 true drives, which is really rare against a
Power 5 peer: And, not to be inappropriate, but look at how long these things
are: Virginia Tech forced a three-and-out right after halftime. Other than that,
the Hokies did not hold Pitt to any real drives of fewer than 50 yards. Yet Pitt
scored five of its touchdowns on drives of less than two and a half minutes, so
the Hokies — while giving up alllllllllll of those points — still possessed the
ball for 34 minutes and ran 86 plays to Pitt’s 47 plays. So it will not surprise
you that the Hokies didn’t have much of an offensive game themselves. That led
to this historic margin: Again, that doesn’t happen in Power 5-on-Power 5 games.
The closest in the last 14 years involved Jameis Winston’s undefeated national
champion Seminoles against a 7-6 team.The numbers are gobsmacking. Just as
bizarre is watching the tape. The Panthers ran a variety of plays. All of them
worked.Blowing open massive holes with zone blocking and fullback kick-outs?
Check.Split zone looks, with the fullback mashing open a hole for a runner?
Check.Other zone runs with the fullback creating holes? Check.Bootlegs with the
QB running untouched for ages, as the fullback slows up the only guy with a
chance of tackling him? Check. Thanks to lead blocker George Aston, Pitt’s
offense is fullback erotica.Virginia Tech showed Pitt plenty of eight-man boxes,
a hallmark of longtime coordinator Bud Foster’s, and it didn’t help at all. It
looked on a few occasions like VT having so many defenders close to the line of
scrimmage meant none of them had an angle once Pitt’s Darrin Hall or Qadree
Ollison got a head of steam, which happened, like, every play. It was like the
Hokie defense was butter and the Pitt running backs were light sabers.You can
watch college football for years and not see one Power 5 team to do another what
Pitt did to Virginia Tech. This wasn’t Georgia Tech running over VT without
throwing a single pass, but it was functionally the same. Pitt did the Hokies
like only a flexbone option team should be able to do anyone.
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